Naked Lady Alert!
We drive past this Antique/Used Furnature store almost every single day. Leaning against the fence in the side lot is a large plaster garden statue. Well, it happens to be a Greek statue of a nude woman. Who knows how they came about seeing it that very first time but…THEY DID!. Ever since, whenever we go by, someone…sometimes even me will yell “Naked Lady Alert”! and we all look over and giggle…Little boys, so much fun. In the interest of expanding their horizons to new experiences, I figured instead of driving by, we had to make enough time to stop. The isles are crowded, the store is full to bursting its seams. It claims to be an “antique” store but most of the items I saw could be found at a local estate sale so I felt comfortable taking the boys in. There are even items stored out front on the sidewalk and in a backyard of sorts. It was an adventure. I’ve been in the store by myself, but it’s always different seeing it through the eyes of your kids. We meandered for a while before making it to….The Naked Lady… When we did there was a few hands over their eyes and nervous furtive glances. I don’t think a one of them actually took a good look at it. I’m sure I’ll regret sending them down this road one day. But for now…for today it was fun.
David McClain Antiques 2716 w. 111th Street Chicago, IL 60655
Granny-ism’s
My family roots are Western Kentucky. We grew up visiting my Grandparent’s farm every summer. It was a truly hard scrabble existance in comparison to Chicago life but we learned to “tote” water up a hill from a natural spring in buckets and we had the use of a two seater out house. We woke up and scrambled to one of two coal stoves that warmed the house on cold mornings. We learned to shoot squirrels and drive tractors. There were cows in fields in every direction and loads of chickens in pens. It was country. They actually moved into a more modern house then into a tiny town a few years before they came to stay with us. They were actually called MaMaw and PaPaw until they moved up north to live with us my Jr. Year of High School. When my siblings started having children she eventually morphed into Granny. PaPaw passed away and she has since moved back “down home” but we are still able to visit.
This year granny will be 86 and she is NOT a typical granny. A little old grey haired woman she will never be. Not as long as Miss Clairol is around. She favors bright red shoes and colorful dangling earrings and is tall and spry. Though she is such a loving woman who would save any keepsake or drawing or photo ever given to her like it was a precious gift, If I ever found myself in a dark alley with nefarious characters coming my way I would chose her to cover my back.. She has never backed down from a fight. Not with one of us nor with a complete stranger. She is the lady leaning out the car window shaking a fist and shouting. It’s the sayings she comes up with that make me smile and want to squeeze her. I wish to always remember them. I wish I could find a situation where I could actually get away with saying them! I will list a few here but in your mind please hear them with a southern drawl and a shaking fist.
*I’ve been to Hell but I didn’t like you’re Momma’s cookin’ *He thinks his shit don’t stink *He thinks he’s hot shit on a cold plate *Shit fire (fire pronounced far) *Don’t get your bloomers in a bunch *I’ll tan your hide * I’ll get your goat * I’ll dot your eye *Take a picture it will last longer * Shit don’t stink til you stir it with a stick *Take a flying suck at a wild gooses ass. There are more…but you get the gist.
Human’s and Hot Dogs at Fat Tommy’s
Fat Tommy’s is a local restaurant we were introduced to via a hot dog wagon at football games. I promised the boys we would eat in after the last game and we did. It’s a little, very casual, family friendly place where the drinks are in a glass cooler behind the counter. The owner happened to be serving that day and asked each child in turn what he would like. Hayden chose a cheese dog smothered in bacon and a Coke. Caleb chose a foot long hot dog, ketchup only, and a lemonade. Ian…well, Ian asked for a beef sandwich and a “human.” I kid you not. The owner looked at me and I shrugged. I had no clue…Ian said..the Human! The Human!… fully expecting that pointing and repeating would make it all clear. It took a minute but we finally figured out that he wanted an Arnold Palmer Lemonade Tee drink. It had a picture of him on the can. Not the “guy drink”, not the “picture drink” but…the human one. Oh Boy. It was a new one for us all and I will have you know that in our house it’s been the “Human Drink” ever since. Caleb ordered a foot long with ketchup. It arrived plain except for this note on the bun alongside the dog. The rest of us laughed. Caleb was mortified. For those of you outside of Chicago this might seem a little crazy…but in this city there is an unspoken law. “NO KETCHUP”. It’s on the table if you must use it, but they will not put it on a hot dog for you. (he did)
I made the mistake of telling the boys they could order whatever they wanted and they took it to heart. The servings were more than generous but these are growing boys. I ended up buying two more beef sandwiches and another hot dog before we left there. I promised next time we could order the pork chop sandwiches they are famous for. They take a half an hour to prepare so I’m not doing that unless I call ahead. I love hanging out with my crew…but hungry, waiting in a public place…yikes. Shivers just thinking about it.
Fat Tommy’s- 3256 W. 111th Street Chicago, IL 60655
